#slaythefrumpmonster (part one)

My body shape is changing. Or so they tell me.

I’m a bit disappointed that my clothing doesn’t automatically follow suit.

I recently purchased two of the exact same dress for a baby shower. One that was “my size” and one that was smaller. They were only 3 bucks each, so it totally made sense.

I tried on the first dress, the one that was “my size”. It looked strange. It was big, it didn’t quite fit me, but I was comfortable.

So…. I tried on the second dress, the one that was smaller. It felt strange. It was smaller, it fit me, but I was uncomfortable.

I decided to wear the smaller dress that fit me.

Mostly because I knew my best friend would be pissed if I showed up in a new dress that was frumpy. She was already quite vocal about the fact that she was not pleased with me for wearing jeans that were too big on me. They may have been too big, but see: I creatively took them in by connecting belt-loop to belt-loop with key-rings. Apparently (to her), this made the jeans lopsided and made things up front look awkward. Hindsight is 20/20 and that was clearly a bad idea. Sometimes your bestie is your best mirror.

Anywhozelles, I arrive at the baby shower, feeling insecure in the dress that fit me. I was convinced that my neighbors boyfriend, my best friend, and everyone else I saw, were lying to me when they told me how good I looked.

And then I saw her.

Before I go on, I must say this: I know I sound like a shaming, petty, judgmental, ugly hypocrite . I know it. I know I may be projecting my own insecurities about how I felt onto this woman. I know I hate how people have, and continue to, judge me. Blah blah blah over explaining, over disclaiming, blah blah blah.

Here it is: I saw this woman who looked horrible in her dress. Really. It was too small and parts of her were too large. It just looked horrible. It was so so short, and so so tight, and…..

I felt like that was how I looked in my dress, or anytime I have ever worn a dress. Ever.

I instantly went from 0 to nutso and became uncomfortable. My bestie’s bestie radar was on. She knew something was wrong. I told her I felt like that is how I looked. She told me my feelings were stupid and lying to me.

I wished I had chosen the other dress. The bigger one. The one that fit my feelings, and hid my body.

Over the next few days I realized …………….. (Sorry folks, inconsistent enforcement of self imposed 500 word count limit.)

2 thoughts on “#slaythefrumpmonster (part one)

  1. sunchik33 says:

    You are beautiful no matter what you wear, but give yourself time to learn to love the “new you” as your body changes. It’s hard to change ingrained thought habits, but that’s what friends are for: to help you see the beauty that you are, and to learn to love yourself as ferociously as you love others! I love you, friend. Thanks for encouraging & inspiring me with your honesty :) sending you a hug tonight.

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