Truth be told, I know I am not in a good place when I stop writing.

I know I am really not in a good place when I don’t even remember my password for my blog.

But I don’t want you to know that I am not in a good place.

So, I detach. I stop writing. And….. I go a little crazy.

Not anymore. Not me. Not this year. 

My  “New Year’s Resolutions” weren’t typical this year since I have spent the last few years focusing on physical health.

This year it’s my mind and emotions.

Ugh, Really? I have to unpack thoughts and memories I have so neatly compartmentalized and stuffed into the back of my mind?

That’s not true though, is it? Those thoughts and memories are not neatly compartmentalized.

Many of them are good, and stay in place. I can pull them out when I want to get all warm and fuzzy.

But, many of them are like a toxic ooze that uncontrollably seep into my thoughts and cause fear and inaction.

Not anymore. Not me. Not this year. 

For the past 2 years or so I have been devouring the work of AJ Leon, Seth Godin, and most recently Brené Brown.

When I read their writings, it is like they are reading me. They “get” me. They “get” me better than some people who actually know me.

I get excited. My heart beats faster. I apply their inspiration to whatever project I am working on for work.

And that’s just not working anymore.

I know I am hiding. I know I am playing it small.

And then I wonder if they know.

And then I wonder if they know that I know.

And then I wonder if you know, but….. I actually know that you know.

Then my fast beating heart turns into pit in my stomach, that “I’ve just been called to the principal’s office” pit in my stomach.

Not anymore. Not me. Not this year. 

Just days after I received his new book, What To Do When It’s Your Turn (and it’s always your turn), Seth (Yes, we are on a first name basis) sent me (and maybe a few thousand other people) an e-mail: Getting unstuck (a one week challenge).

“Here’s how it works: Participants commit to posting 1 blog post every day for 7 days. The goal is to practice shipping with a like-minded community and to push yourself to simply start.”

Pfft. I am not going to do this. What would I even write? Why would I publish something every day? Who even cares? Why do I care if someone cares? How am I even going to find the time and energy to produce and publish? Once the questions started they wouldn’t stop. Even as I am writing, they haven’t stopped.

Not anymore. Not me. Not this year. 

I’ll be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that.

It’s MY Turn!