Humble Pie, an open letter to Maura Kelly

October 28, 2010October 28, 20102 Comments

photo credit: flickr.com/photos/cobalt/

Dear Maura,

While playing on Facebook this morning, I noticed that a fellow blogger, journalist for the Palm Beach Post , and a friend who I know slightly in real life, but mostly through Facebook, blogs and emails , Leslie Gray Streeter had posted a link to your now infamous article.

Just last night in my “life of love” group this bible verse was brought up.

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (Prov 29:11)

I obviously didn’t retain that. Or represent a “life of love”. So, I vented, and I foolishly wrote you an open letter. I was so proud of myself. I had said most of what I wanted to say while trying not to attack you personally. “You” became that voice in my head that told me I was fat an ugly and disgusting my whole life, and I finally had “your” email address. I had finally told off the girl who always picked on me, the voice that never left me. I was even interviewed for The Palm Beach Post. My friends rallied around me.

They told me how beautiful I am.

They told me I was a great writer.

They told me I was witty.

They told me I was snarky.

Then, I was told I was mean. (I did say I would hug you if I didn’t want to strangle you. Ouch.)

Much to my surprise, you responded personally, in humility. You told me I was right. And very few times have I ever felt so very wrong. We have since exchanged several emails. You told me of people who have told you to go hang yourself. How sad you are and how you have spent your time today responding personally to most emails. As of this letter, you have over 2,200 comments, on the Marie Claire site alone. That is one heck of a bad day for you. I didn’t see that. I needed to be heard. I kicked you while you were down, and snidely offered you calorie-free humble pie.

I have apologized to you privately, and would now like to do it publicly.

I am sorry. I was wrong. I was the jerk, and hypocrite. I have contacted Leslie and tried to unring my bell. Telling her that I am your advocate, and you are not my enemy. I have forwarded her our correspondence so she could also see a glimpse of the repentant you, and the true foolish me. I have responded to comments telling them, I was wrong.

I realized that it’s easy for us to write about someone not realize that we are talking about an actual person, whether a fattie , or a journalist who wrote a brutally honest blog.

Thank you for extending me the grace that I did not extend to you.

I need to take my own advice. Think twice, write once.

Moving forward,

Julie

A confident, beautiful, strong, not always so friendly ”fattie” who is eating some humble pie.

I feel pretty..

July 13, 2010July 14, 201011 Comments

I feel pretty….

If only you knew what it takes for me to say that, and to mean it.

As far back as I can remember being “different”, I remember hating pictures being taken of me.

Hiding behind my peanut, not looking at camera.

Always being the “fat friend” I have learned how to be the first one to take the pictures of everyone else, and if I was ever dragged in front of the camera, I know how to hide behind someone else, push my rear out, arch my back, lean forward, shoulders back, chin up, and “smile”. And then take the camera back, and delete all the pictures of myself.

Floating Head.

Floating Head, a few years before.

Head still floating.

Hide behind a friend, with a fake smile.

Hide behind a hug.

A few weeks ago, still hiding-ish. (No floating head though… 20 years later, progress)

I have “such a great personality”, pretty eyes, cute dimples, great smile… … Or so I’ve been told.

Blah.. blah.. blah.. Compliment the “fat friend”…

It wasn’t until this weekend, that I saw “it”.

Over a year ago Danne did another impromptu photo shoot of me. This past weekend, as she was getting ready to launch her new website, she called me over to her computer to see a picture I had forgotten all about.

I just stood there for a moment. Looked at my friends, and said “I’m pretty.”*

Moving forward, and not hiding…

Julie

*(from Danne: “I believe my exact words were, “You’re positively stunning!” To which your exact reply was, “Oh My God, I’m pretty!””)

Giving Thanks Bye Bye Plastic

November 22, 20091 Comment

I don’t even remember what my first credit card was, or what I bought with it, or why I thought it having one was such a good idea.

It wasn’t just that I was spending money that I didn’t have. It was that I was trying to live the lifestyle of an executive, as an intern. I was at the lunches, wearing my cute new outfits. I was getting Starbucks and adding the extra shots. I was buying presents for people.

I was trying to gain the acceptance of everyone around me while the only One who has ever truly loved me and accepted me watched as I put another shackle on my ankle. I was an idiot.

I have nothing to show for the over $30,000 of credit card debt that I had racked up between the ages of 18 & 23. Nothing.

I was living in Ohio and part of the community at sevenoseven the night I laid my debt on the altar, literally.

Pastor Dan Burgoyne was preaching on radical amputation . Remember the whole “If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out” business? Yeah, that was Jesus (Matthew 5:29-). And He was serious.

Pastor Dan challenged us something was sin in your life, and you know sin separates you from God, Jesus commands us to radically amputate that sin.

There he was, calling all of us twenty-somethings out on our junk. He challenged the hormone driven men to burn their porn, our lust, our flirtations, our overeating, drinking, sleeping, spending, gossip magazines. If we are the body and bride of Christ, why are we so entangled in our self pleasure and sin? And what does that say about the redemptive message that God is our all in all that we preach to the “unbelievers”. And I knew.

My credit cards had me in chains. I could not run hard after God while in bondage to sin.

So there we were. A community broken over our sin. I knew what I had to do. I cut up my credit cards to pieces. I returned to my seat to continue in worship of my Creator, and Provider.

I remember Ryan Wilkins leading worship that night. I remember it as though it was just yesterday. Through the tears we sang….

You are the only one I need

I bow all of me at Your feet

I worship You alone

You have given me more than I could ever have wanted

And I want to give You my heart and my soul

You alone are Father And You alone are good

You are alone are Savior And You alone are God

I’m alive, I’m alive I’m alive, I’m alive…………

With my credit cards on the altar I made a commitment to not rely on the false security credit offered. So I closed all my accounts and made an aggressive contract to pay all the debt back, with a negotiated lower interest rate, in just over 5 years. I had to trust that this was true obedience and that He who started the good work would be faithful to complete it.

God proved Himself faithful.

The last several years have been rough. It has been total dependence on Christ and His provision. I have had to ask for help from my parents. I have freaked out in prayer about my money and bills. And God led people to randomly, and anonymously bless me with cash, or gift cards, or checks through the church in the mail. Friends have noticed me being on fumes and filling up my car. There were seasons of not being able to find a job, and He was faithful.

In September I made my last payment to my creditors.

My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace………….

I’m alive, I’m alive I’m alive, I’m alive…………

Giving Thanks 2009

November 19, 2009Leave a comment

So, I pretty much feel like a slacker. I have so much to be thankful for, and my “month of giving thanks” is starting as the month is coming to an end.

The last thing that my life needs is something to be legalistic about. Feeling that I must write “because”…..

I refuse to have something that I love become a miserable noose.

So, I’ve been laying low over here at julieUnscripted. It’s been a bittersweet combination of living life and not writing about it, joy and frustration, complete chaos in the midst of the most consistent schedule I have ever had. Having less possessions and less money than ever, being more mindful of the kingdom of God, yet somehow finding myself more complete . And then there is being out of, into, and back out of my “fat pants”.

Plus my computer’s hard drive died.

Today, I am thankful that we were created for community. Thankful that I need you, and that you need me to be real and vulnerable, and that you embrace me, my mess, but don’t let me stay there. I am thankful that you are still here. Thankful that you are still checking in. Thankful for friends who refuse to leave me to myself and refuse to let me shut down and become a recluse. Friends who pull me closer, even as I shove away. Thankful for those whom I have never met encouraging me.

Let’s hug.

And we can all be thankful that one day I will have an editor who will correct my grammar, and unsplit my infinitives, yet still let me be me.

Philippians 1

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, ⁴always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, 5in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now.

6For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

7For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart, since both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of grace with me.

8For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.

9And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, 10so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; 11having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

Not just another butterfly.

August 5, 2009August 28, 20096 Comments

butterfly

Yes, it’s small. Yes, it’s girlie. But this is not just another butterfly tattoo.

You see, I love butterflies. I read this story over ten years ago, and since then butterflies have become a symbol of my faith and my struggles in it.

I would never imagine seeing a butterfly trying to cram her way back into that cocoon. That’s simply ridiculous !

When I look at my butterfly I want to be reminded of the transformation and regeneration Christ has done in my life.

Below are just a few scriptures that I am encouraged by with thoughts of my butterfly.

Do you have any you would like to share?

Revelation 21:5

And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new ” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.” ( HE makes all things, not somethings, not just improved, NEW)

2 Corinthians 5:17

¹⁷Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. ( old things are passed away, a butterfly can never ever go back into the cocoon and regress to be a caterpillar)

Philippians 1:6

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (He began the good work in me, he will perfect it, it’s a process that continues “until the day of Christ Jesus”)

Ephesians 2

Made Alive in Christ

¹And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, ²in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.

³Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.

⁴But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, ⁵even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), ⁶and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places inChrist Jesus, ⁷so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace inkindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

⁸For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it isthe gift of God; ⁹not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

¹⁰For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Titus 3:3-7

³For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved tovarious lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another.

⁴But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, ⁵He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, butaccording to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, ⁶whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, ⁷so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

“How does one become a butterfly?” she [a caterpillar] asked pensively. [the butterfly replied] “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar. What looks like you will die, but what’s really you will still live. Life is changed, not taken away.” Trina Paulus, author, “Hope for the Flowers.”

Moving Forward,

Julie

Ohh and also, thanks to Matt over at Ink Link Tattoos, I am sure you could do something more elaborate and artsy, but you did exactly what I wanted.

If you are in the West Palm Beach area, and are interested in getting a tat, call Ink Link! 561.712.9009 !!

Giving Thanks day one america

November 4, 2008November 4, 2008Leave a comment

I saw this on a blogthat references another blog who is doing a series on what they are thankful for throughout the month of November.

I’m stealingborrowing the idea and from now until Thanksgiving I will daily Give Thanks for how God has demonstrated His goodness in my life. These wil not be in any order, just what I feel thankful for on whatever day.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. (James 1:17)

Today, I am thankful to be an American.

I have the freedom to worship in public, and in private without having to hide my faith, or fear death because of it.

I have clean water, a roof over my head, food in my stomach. And Internet, and TV, with cable, and a cell phone, and radio. And, And, And,

I have a military who is, and has been, protecting our rights, and lives for generations.

I have a right to vote. (Even though I couldn’t find my voters card, had to change my address when I got to the voters precinct, and didn’t research much on the ballot other than the presidential candiates and the constitutional amendment to keep marriage defined as one man and one woman.)

Race and gender no longer determine elegibility to vote.

I don’t go to bed afraid of bombings or gun fighting out side my home.

Safe roads.

Good education.

It is only by God’s grace and sovernighty that I was born in this country. I don’t take this lightly.

“Everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.” – Jesus (Luke 12:48)

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. “ – Jesus (Matthew 6:19-20)

Thankful to be in America, not only because we are blessed, but because out of these resources we can be vessels of hope for others.

May I always be thankful, but never have a heart that hoards.

COMPASSION INTERNATIONAL