Trust me, it’s a good thing I haven’t blogged in over a year. I unknowingly spared you from the self-focused, woe is me, screwed over, victim of corporate, too much month-not enough money, navel gazing “I want, I need, I earned, I deserve” train of thought that thankfully came to a screeching halt yesterday.
A representative from Gospel for Asia came to speak at my church. He passionately pleaded the cause of the orphan and widow, he showed a video, quoted Matthew 9 citing how Jesus had compassion and took action, and how the workers are few.
And…. My heart was broken and I am selling everything I have and moving to India or Africa and giving my life to missions!! I totally zoned out.
Please understand, none of this was new. I worked for Gospelink. I’ve seen the videos of pastors going through flood waters on their bikes, orphans being served their daily “meals”, mud huts people make into homes. Having friends that are missionaries, I’ve heard stories. I’ve cried tears. I used to care. I made it a prayerful and financial priority in my life to right the wrongs. I was focused on telling anyone who asked how they could help too.
I zoned out only because I just couldn’t (and can’t) shake a phrase said by my pastor.
He said it flippantly, only once, having to ask a friend sitting in the front row for the correct phrasing: “Depraved Indifference”.
Was.
“Depraved Indifference”
Worked.
“Depraved Indifference”
Seen.
“Depraved Indifference”
Heard.
“Depraved Indifference”
Cried.
“Depraved Indifference”
Used to.
“Depraved Indifference”
Made.
“Depraved Indifference”
Focused.
“Depraved Indifference”
All past tense.
Over and over and over again it shouts : “Depraved Indifference”.
Depraved Indifference: conduct that is so wanton, so deficient in a moral sense of concern, so lacking in regard for the life or lives of others, and so blameworthy as to warrant the same criminal liability as that which the law imposes upon a person who intentionally causes a crime.
Here I sit: Me. “Mother Teresa Incarnate”. (As a prosecuting attorney cross-examining me once said.) Julie Stein.
Here I sit: Comfortable. Complacent.
Here I sit: Julie Stein, GUILTY of Depraved Indifference.
Knowing of the wrong doing that is happening, having excess funds to help stop it and doing nothing.
Found as guilty, as liable, as those intentionally committing heinous crimes.
Here I sit: humbled, wrecked, and hopefully changed.
julieUNSCRIPTED 
WOW, Jul! Your heart amazes me. I am SO glad that when we meet there was no depraved indeifference. Because God used you to nudge me! You listened and you acted. Keep nudging, sister! Keep listen to Him speak to your heart. Keep responding to that tug and answer His call to your life. You, Julie Stein were born for far more than a sedate life. You were born to be Jesus to people who need him. The fact that you heard, and felt, and saw, then got lost for a while, just proves you are human. The fact that in one moment He was able to reposition your head, hear, mind, body, soul…means you are forever His.
I don’t want to stifle your conviction in any way but I must say that in the western church we are guilty of only feeling this “guilt” when someone from a third world country comes along and jars us out of our status quo. While I agree it is important and necessary to feel it, I also think that being on mission right where you are is important too. We are seldom guilty of any feeling of remorse when we are depraved in our everyday “stateside” life.
Loving the one(s) right in front of you, I mean really loving them is a bigger reflection of our true heart’s condition. Even pagans and hard harded heathens know that suffering “over there” is HORRIBLE. But to be able to see the suffering and brokenness right here, right under our own nose- God’s in that too.
All that to say, Julie, you do that kind of loving exceptionally well. I’ve experienced it and I know many others who have too! If God relocates you to the farthest corner of the earth, I know you will continue to do the same. If he’s expanding your heart to include more of the world, so be it. But please don’t discount the reflection of God’s heart in you that is already alive and awake to the hurting and broken that it encounters HERE. It is a beautiful thing to see.
Love you. :)